Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Missing Mama Daughter time.

Hello fellow blog readers...since non of you want to join just read. sorry i havent written anything really lately got alot going on so im going to write two different blogs because one is a serious emotional blog and the other is a funny flirty blog post.

Okay so lately i found myself getting a serious mature reality check. Like I am realizing that i am not longer this young teen needing her parents to help her with everything. I have been going out with my friends dealing with real world things I got my own bills to pay and if want something I have to pay for it. I cant go to my parents for movie and popcorn money. Hell I don't get birthday money from them anymore I get a nice card, hugs and kisses, and a cupcake. When I see teenagers my age still get spoiled by there parents sometimes I get jealous but then i think damn their parents are going to have a hard time cutting off the cord specially when it comes to money. seriously you cant count on money from your parents every other week thats for teenagers in middle school. if you clean thats because you are thankfull they still let you live in the house for free.

well any who getting to my point me and mom had a talk about growing up and what not. With me finally going off to school, in which i will be paying for all by myself with my own credit. she realizes i wont be around the house much, kind of how like i been these past months and i told her well it doesnt start till September we have plenty of time to bond. Then she goes into the whole well i dont want to hold you back i know you have to have fun with your friends like how i did when i was your age. She went on and then i told her well i want her to have fun with her girlfriends from work too. so basically we told each other to spend time with our friends to better prepare ourselves for when i finally leave the birds nest to start my own life.

Well I didnt expect it to happen so fast. I mean withing a week she was going out every other day with her friends right after she gets out of work. the time i look forward to when we sit on the couch or stand in the kitchen just talking about our days and whats new. i mean that was our time and she just starting leaving right away and today it really hit me hard. she jolted in got her normal clothes on and said goodbye. I was so heartbroken that she had just left, when i had been looking forward to her coming home so we can talk and eat dinner together. when she got home i just too heart broken to even say a word, so broken to be nice, so broken i gave her the cold shoulder. she made dinner i graved my plate said thank you and ate alone in my room.

She had gotten herself ready to sit at the table and was grabbing two cups but i simply ignored it and looked the other way. i know that sounds so mean of me to do but i was so hurt i just couldnt talk to her with out crying. I then realized how mean i had been and went out to the living room to sit by her to talk but she didnt say much just asked me what was wrong and i said nothing and asked her how was her day and not even far in the conversation my dad comes walking in the door telling my mom if she wanted to go with him to the store and there she goes she gets her jacket on and leaves. i was yet again hurt, i left and went to my room were i soaked my emotions in watching the hills. i think later she realized that she was neglecting me and came in trying to talk but i just didnt want to anymore and just layed in bed ignoring her. she simply gave up and went to the kitchen to clean.

I sound spoiled i know but how would you handle the situation? think of it this way my mom is out and about with her friends im stuck at home with no licence, no car and all my friends are busy or still away at school. i dont get along with my dad enough to hang out with him and if i did he was at work. my grandma likes to watch tv alone sometimes so i am left alone wanting to talk and no one to turn to because my mom is out and my friends are busy. it sucks! i think my mom took one step further than i expected and one foot further than i took. i dont want to start leaving with my friends all the time because then i would never see my grandma or my mom much. i dont know i just want more silvia mom time. someone else always has to be in the picture. i just want my MOM! is that so much to ask for? oh well i guess this is just part one of growing up. and if thats the case i hate it! i love maturing but i still love the time i get to spend with my mom and wish i could have more of it.

this song has little similarities to the situation but the one thing is for sure i just need to fly on my own and she one day is going to have to let go and i am going to have to let go too. Mamas song by Carrie Underwood