Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Getting through hard times.

Hello my darlings,

Over the months I have tried to write a post about my grandma passing, but living day by day again is beyond hard to go through especially since the wound is still fresh. I lost my grandma January 31, 2013 to surgery complications. That is a simplified version of what is on the death certificate but in my opinion it's.....well lets not go there. When my grandma passed I felt so lost, so alone. I had lost my best friend. My grandma is the person who told you the dirty truth whether you wanted to know or not. She gave you advice when you needed it and told some of the best life stories. I used to sit there on her bed and just listen and watch her look past me as if she was reliving the story all over again. 
My grandma was in the hospital since December 15 I spent every day of my vacation with her leading to her last day. I missed one day only but I made sure to call...twice. During that time we talked about everything and anything and had lunch and dinner together. The times before her surgery are some of the best memories I will have and keep forever in my heart. 

After she passed I went through a really hard time. I didn't realize how much she kept my life in order. As well as the family, I guarantee we will see less of each other over the years. Well getting back to me, I suffered quiet a bit and finally took steps towards a happy life and sought professional help. I talked to a psychologist and little by little I came to realize she's really gone and what my life is without her and how to approach it. All thanks to Paul. Amazing guy though he said I did everything on my own he still helped a lot. 

I can live life with my grandma with the memories I have. I have been so fortunate to have lived with her for 22 years and know her better than any grandchild. 

The one conversation I'm most grateful for was of the future. We talked about baby names, I told her a list of names I liked and she approved some of them. I'm going to list them now but I won't say which she liked. 

1.Allison
2.Airabella
3.Kayli

1.Lucas
2.Logan
3.Mateo         

Now time for me to start baking me some kids. Haha just kidding. I'm going to finish photography school like she always wanted me to and fulfill my last promise to her and that is to be a nurse. 2014 is going to be a big year for me but for now I have to work my fanny off to finish school. 

Goodnight 

With love, 

Silvia